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Divorcing a narcissist: divorce lawyers specialising in narcissism
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PacisLexis Family Law
Divorce lawyer specialising in narcissism
Living with narcissistic abuse
When you first met your partner, you had already heard about narcissist or manipulative abuser. Most of the time you may not realise that your partners’ behaviour is narcissistic, and it was not your situation.
Step by step you felt emotionally down. Tears, endless discussions and sleepless nights have replaced your fairy tale.
How to realise that this incredible person at the beginning of your relationship, the one you loved so much, turns into being a monster?
You found excuses to their behaviour and there are no words to qualify it. Gradually, your other half isolated you from your family, friends and colleagues. You’re doing your best to improve the situation. You can’t talk to anyone and there are only a handful of people with whom you can share your concerns and understand the situation as the manipulator seems to be nice and respectful, funny and smiling to others.
You start being sensitive, nervous, anxious, showing depressive behaviour (sadness, low self-esteem, you find hard to take decisions,…), you seek for a psychological support but you doubt about everything.
Divorcing a narcissist
Divorcing a narcissist is not like divorcing someone else. You must get ready psychologically, financially and socially.
It’s not going to be a simple divorce, but a fight at every level…
Narcissist adeptly navigates the realms of justice, experts, social services, and psychologists. They are at ease before the judge, giving them the opportunity to shine and theatrically playing the victim. Someone with NPD will believe they are equal to the judge and will play the nice and good parent. You wish for justice to be served but you will be disappointed if you do not surround yourself with highly qualified professionals.
Going through a divorce against a narcissist is to work with a lawyer who has dealt with them. You need a lawyer who is prepared to face a high conflict situation such as PacisLexis Family Law.
Let’s fight together.
divorce lawyers specialising in narcissism
Identifying manipulative behaviour
Signs of narcissistic
A narcissist is charming, charismatic, and have a high sense of self-importance and require constant admiration. They are very attractive.
However, the way people with a narcissistic personality disorder are operating is not healthy.
Here are some of the symptoms of NPD:
- lack of empathy
- Avoid to answer clearly to any questions
- Concealing income and earnings
- Blame others for their own behaviour and issues
- Jealous, cheaters and envious
- Lying and strongly believe in their own lies
- Make you feel guilty
- Tend to criticise and devalue
- Disregard your needs
- Two-faced
- Isolating your from your friends, family, colleagues
- Simulating domestic abuse
- Imagine love stories, fabricate fiction
Childhood roots in NPD
It depends!
Paths to narcissism are a bit blurry but most of the time NPD can be found at an early stage.
- Parents who value their child achievements but devalue their feelings
- Lack of attention
- Parents emotionally distant and neglectful
- Manipulation
What is psychological abuse?
One of narcissist manipulation tactics is gaslighting. Gaslighting is a manipulative behaviour designed to weaken, trick destabilize and even control the victim. Gaslighters are common liars, and they deny they did or said something that you know they did or said.
The main goal of a narcissist is to hide their own personality and who they are to those around.
What are narcissist manipulation tactics?
- Love bombing: a narcissist will tend to compliment and bombard you with great gestures, like expensive gifts, incredible restaurants and make you feel the biggest catch in the world. It’s because of this that it is really difficult to spot at the beginning of a relationship and also it’s exactly what you were looking for.
- Control: a narcissist will keep you in an anxious and submissive situation. Their goal is vicious as they don’t want you to be aware of it.
- Brainwashing: a narcissist will try to convince you into believing their point of view about everything and you will because when you first met it was great.
- Playing the victim: their behaviour is only because of someone else’s especially you. A narcissist wants to gain pity or sympathy and try to blame other for their behaviour. Thus a narcissist will pretend to be very sick, to have financial issues whereas they are sparing, will explain to your relatives and friends that he supports you no matter what whereas you feel depressed.
Playing the victim will allow a narcissistic to isolate you from your relatives, friends and all the people close to you and force you to protect them.
- Emotional blackmail: the main goal of this tactic is to make sure that you feel scared to cross them and to feel guilty if you resist. Because of this sick tactic and to avoid their revenge, you will put yourself in danger for them.
Suicide is a tactic often used by narcissist. They will pretend they are nothing without you, playing with you and your family. On the top of that they will threaten you to reveal things they know about you if you want to leave them or with your children warning you won’t see them again.
- Stalk and monitor: it’s a common tactic used by narcissist. They will monitor your computer and phone, use CCTV equipment to follow your moves. They want to keep on eye on you. During a separation to remain in your heart and brain they will overwhelm you with text messages and calls.
- Confusion & invalidation is a tactic used by a narcissist to put things in your brain. The goal is for you to question your own feelings and thoughts.
- Two-faced: a narcissist is very friendly, helpful and lovable outside your relationship whereas with you, the mask falls off. They act and are so kind to everyone else that no one outside your relationship can think or see you’re suffering. People around are fooled by their behaviour so talking to them about the hell you’re in, is impossible.
What are the consequences of mental abuse?
The short terms effects of emotional abuse can impact mental and physical health. You can feel:
- Guilt: narcissists play the victim to make you feel guilty
- Doubting self-worth
- Loss of sense of self
- Anxious
- Sleep issues
- Tired
- Eating disorder
- Etc
To sum up you’re constantly walking on eggshells.
Who does narcissist target?
It depends!
There is no rule.
Narcissists can target:
- People who are successful
- People who are ambitious
- People who are strong
On the other hand, narcissists can target:
- People with vulnerabilities
- People with poor self-esteem
- People with DPD (dependent personality disorder)
How do you escape a relationship with a narcissist?
It won’t be a one-night process.
You need to get ready.
These are some steps to escape a narcissist:
- Prepare before leaving as saving money
- Build a support system such as seeking for a psychologist or therapist to put away reminders of the relationship
- Avoid unnecessary conversations with the narcissist. Don’t say anything about your plan.
- Don’t react to their comments, threats and all their lies
- Don’t believe they will change, they won’t. This is not your war to make them change. You’re not a social worker.
- If you’re married and want a divorce, you have to immediately seek for a lawyer specialised in narcissist relationship and get evidence as much as you can, text messages, record phone calls…
divorce lawyers specialising in narcissism
How to anticipate your breakup?
How to prepare a divorce against a narcissist?
Preparing your divorce or separation is vital especially if you’re living with a narcissist and want to leave the marital home.
Here is some advice:
- Don’t talk to anyone about the fact you want to leave and to split up
- Try to be financially independent or that a trusted person can help you out.
- Look for your next move and find somewhere to live.
- Document everything
- Make copies of useful and civil registration paperwork as health records, passport, your children proves of identity, family book, energy bills, family pictures and if possible some financial information about the narcissist such as income, earnings and assets.
- Hide your jewel and more importantly all valuable belongings.
- Petition a bailiff to make a list of all the assets you’ve got within the marital home.
- Record all the conversations you may have with the narcissist without telling him.
- Keep all the proves and all the above in a safe place where you know the narcissist won’t find them.
- Register your child on your health number. France has a public healthcare system known as the “Assurance Maladie” (Health Insurance). France has a universal healthcare system, which means that all residents are entitled to basic health coverage, regardless of their income or employment status. The French social security system is the primary provider of health coverage. Contributions to social security are mandatory for both employees and employers. Self-employed individuals also contribute.
- Don’t make an official report to the police without seeking a lawyer’s advice. If you report it to the police, your complaint can be dismissed without further action, and you can be discredited.
Can I report a narcissist abuser?
Yes but!
You can report your abuser. However, we strongly advise you not to do so if you don’t have enough proves of the psychological abuse.
The best way to go is to do a “main courante” in French. “Une main courante” can be translated by incident report in English. Incident report is a record made at a police station or gendarmerie to warn them about incidents such as suspicious behaviours, safety threat etc…
It will be useful for future proceedings.
If the police services refuse to get your incident report, don’t make an official complaint. Wait to get the advice of a lawyer specialised in narcissist abuse.
What is the best behaviour to have during this preparation phase?
Your behaviour is key. Don’t argue with a narcissist. You must remain calm, detached and distant otherwise the situation will turn against you.
The best behaviour is to leave without warning. If you choose to do so, get the advice of a lawyer and see how they can assist you.
NPD in the UK
In the United Kingdom, Personality disorders, including NPD, are considered mental health conditions, and individuals are not held criminally responsible solely for having a personality disorder.
However, if an individual with NPD engages in behaviour that violates the law, they may face legal consequences for their actions. For example, if someone commits a crime such as fraud, harassment, assault, or any other offense, they can be subject to legal proceedings and potential penalties.
In legal contexts, mental health, including a diagnosis of NPD, may be considered as a factor in assessing an individual’s culpability, especially if their mental health is relevant to the commission of a crime. It’s essential to note that the legal system aims to address actions that are unlawful rather than the underlying personality disorder itself.
If someone with NPD is involved in legal proceedings, mental health professionals may be called upon to provide assessments and expert opinions regarding the individual’s mental state and its impact on their behaviour. Legal outcomes will be determined based on the specific circumstances of the case and the applicable laws.
The diagnostic criteria for NPD are outlined in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10), a classification system used by healthcare professionals globally, including in the UK.
In the ICD-10, NPD is categorized under the section “F60-F69 Personality disorders and disorders of adult behaviour.” The specific code for Narcissistic Personality Disorder is F60.8.
divorce lawyers specialising in narcissism
Legal proceedings against a narcissist
What to do with a narcissist?
Divorcing a narcissist is extremely difficult.
You should find confidence within yourself to get out of this abusive situation. Don’t hesitate to ask for help.
If you’re divorcing or separating from a person with a NPD and there are financial and children issues to be resolved, you must contact a lawyer specialised in NPD.
Preparing for family court against a narcissist
Preparing for court against a narcissist is vital and remember to document everything. If the situation gets worse and it will, you must prove that you are a good parent. It’s essential to keep written and pictured records of what you’re doing with and for your child.
These records will show to the Family law judge that you take very good care of your child and you’re a good mother or father.
In family court, a narcissist will recruit other to attack you so we will advice you to start a therapy even before a separation to serve a professional statement.
Remember to document and evidence all the earning, assets, incomes and expenses of the family as a narcissist will hide their earning and all the rest of it.
Preparing for children’s court
That’s a tough one too.
Document the bounds you have with your children and what you’re doing with and for them. Make videos, take pictures …and show that your children are in safe hands.
Divorcing a narcissist can last several years and can cause injuries to your self-esteem and financial security, so it’s very important to be prepared.
We strongly encourage not to take any action before the children’s court without a family law lawyer specialised in narcissist. Indeed, most of the time our office receives enquiries after the first hearing and the child is already in foster care. Contact us!
Recovering from narcissistic relationships
Breaking up with a narcissist is the first day of the rest of your life.
This break-up is the first step to your freedom.
Toxic relationships will leave you feeling you’re mad. You’re not mad you are or were in a mad relationship. Most of the time, at the beginning of the healing process victims have hard time by still blaming themselves and experience more pain. Denial can protect you. But denying will prevent you from addressing it and healing.
To heal and get back on track is to seek for a therapist. Don’t waste your time and get some help.
How a narcissist behaves in Court?
They will do their best to look as saintly as possible and at the same time they will try to make you look like the crazy person. Projection is a key manipulation. They’ve done this their entire relationship with you, why would the court be different?
They will employ their narcissistic tactics on the judge. They will fall on the drama side and play victims. They will pretend abuse and will report you to the police whereas you’ve done nothing wrong. They can hit themselves against a wall and call it a slap!
You will be tricked all along the proceedings. That’s why you really have to surround yourself with a lawyer specialised in narcissism to avoid those tricks and to fight with you.
divorce lawyers specialising in narcissism
How to protect a child from a narcissist?
What type of relationship a narcissist have with their child(ren)?
Narcissists consider their child(ren) as an extension of them and not as a separate human being. A child is for them to achieve their goals and not the child’s one. Narcissists also use their child(ren) as a weapon against the other parent.
Narcissistic parent can hugely impact their child(ren) as their future life.
Narcissists will use the same tactics on your child(ren):
- Emotional blackmail
- Guilt
- Denial
- Pressure
- Rejection
- Harassment
- Frustration
- Health and mental neglect
Repercussions on narcissist’s children
Narcissists believe they are perfect and will tell you they are doing or have done their best.
Unfortunately there are repercussions, such as:
- Being a narcissist themselves
- People pleasing
- Guilt
- Poor recognition of wants and needs
- Being bullied at an early stage: a lot of narcissist’s children are bullied at school.
How do I protect my child(ren) from a narcissist partner?
Protecting your child(ren) is vital.
- You have to protect them against their manipulative parent ASAP
- Avoid contact with the narcissist parent
- Limit interaction during parenting time
- Minimize contacts
- Give validation
You’re playing a key role. If you can’t do it alone, seek for a professional.
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You are a victim of a narcissist?
PacisLexis Family Law can provide tailored guidance on navigating legal processes and presenting a compelling argument that addresses the unique challenges posed by narcissistic behaviour. Contact us now!
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Effects of divorce on children
Divorce is a complex and multifaceted process that can have serious impacts, particularly for the children involved. In France, where divorce rates have risen steadily over the years, there is a growing recognition of the need to understand and address the effects of divorce on children.